Secession

Forwarded by email:


For those of you NOT in California - California periodically has
thoughts of going it alone. The letters about it are usually humorous
and insightful. Just thought I'd share this one with the rest of you.

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast. We blieve this split will be beneficial to the nation, and
especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, Ohio and all the
slave states.

** We get stem cell research. You get the rhythm system.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red
states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get
a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
antiwar, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95
percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at
state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech
industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven-Sister schools, including
Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, CalTech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope
with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health
care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of
the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of
Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe
Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is
sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazies believe you are
people with higher morals than we lefties.

Sincerely,

Author Unknown in New California.